It has been a while. The first "awhile "was because everything was good. The second "awhile" was because everything was not good.
Don't you love playing in the ocean and watching for the next wave, still reeling a little from the previous one? But, then, sometimes, the upcoming wave is bigger than you thought and you go---well, crap.
I like to blog in-between the little waves. I like to blog after a tiny wave and having some small insight into whatever life issue just came and then blog, journal, meme, FB post a funny clip and then wait for the next wave. The next small wave. The next tiny swell. The little hiccup in life that makes good sayings of "God loves a mess..." "Not a hot mess, I'm a spicy disaster....." "It's all messy, the hair, the bed, the heart, my life......." We advertise our train wrecks as cute sayings and funny stories and it's all good. We post on FB about how messy we are......in-between the waves when, let's face it, we ain't that messy.
But, what happens when our mess spills over to other people and becomes destructive? Harmful? Evil? Debilitating? Life-altering, can't get out of bed, my life is forever changed, this has shaken me down to the core, I don't know how to survive this........What if it is THAT kind of mess? What if you are the recipient of THAT kind of mess?
What if you are the giver of THAT kind of mess?
I've been both. Both suck. Both are keep you up at 3 am, wide awake, praying for the wave to Just. Go. Away.
So much easier to justify being the giver to anyone in my path when I have been recipient being in anyone's path.
I wanted to blog about my insight in Haiti and actually wrote that out as my next paragraph as such until I realized that was so an in-between the wave moment. I did have insight while I was in Haiti. God did speak to me and told me to get on board with some hard stuff like my money and my time. (Sidenote and foreshadow to next blog: He told me to STAY in the boat!? And that boat is in Jackson, MO and not the Caribbean?? Totally unfair) I really wanted this blog post to be about justification, about righting a wrong and how God spoke to me about fairness and justice and equality. Not about the other stuff.......
But.....some of the other stuff? (I always feel blasphemous if I think about what Jesus might say to me but here I go.....) Jesus: You know I love you and I am right here with you but this is something you are gonna have to face the consequence. Me: Totally unfair. I went through (insert me justifying my poor decision on hot mess status) Jesus: No excuse. You have free will. But, I love you and I am with you through this. Me: Then I check out. I'm done. I'm a hot mess and thats all there is to it.
Jesus: I died on the cross to take away your hot mess. Stop using hot mess as a means to justify your behavior. Get. On. Board.
We say keep it real but do we really really mean it? We say God loves a mess but do we really believe it? Because, let's face it, folks. We don't social media when the wave hits; do we???